Back in Los Angeles

Well, here I am. Back in the backyard of the house I grew up in. The bbq I have used so many times, the brick that has been here as long as forever in my mind, the trees. It's home.

I got back in last night at about midnight. I took a cab home and munched on some food. I ate a few Benedryl and drank a glass of wine and went to bed. I woke up this morning at about 9am and went thru a routine of a day that I have done about 40 or 50 times in the last few months. And now, here I am back at home. Dad is inside watching TV. I am sitting at this table with a cup of coffee, my MacBook, a pack of smokes, a lighter, and my Blackberry.

In the less than 24 hours that I have been back, I have come to see some of the things that I dislike about the city and the lifestyle here. It is important for me to try and get out all the things I think about the life I have in this city while they are fresh in my mind before blending back into routines (which I already have but still have a sense of an outside perspective).

Throughout the day, I look out through a dirty windshield for about 90 minutes. Looked out at other cars and other people in those cars. I had This morning, I read in the L.A. Times that the population of southern California is predicted to grow to nearly 60 million (!) by 2050. The article went on to discuss budgeting implications in excess of $140 billion(!) for "keeping the conjestion in check" with regard to transprtation. Extra lanes and tunnels and subways and so on and so forth.

I didn't enjoy driving today as I may have in the past. Typically, I think, after traveling for a long period of time or simply just being out of Los Angeles for a prolonged period of time, I have enjoyed coming back to driving. Today was different.

As far as work goes, I did some contracts for Jason today and worked on some research. We rode our electric bikes over to the Panjea house for a meeting. Then, we ate at Cafe Solar. I enjoyed sitting outside at the cafe and eating and chilling with Jason and getting into small talk with the people at the table next to us. Jason seemed to be somewhat distant from work and appeared drained.

On my way home, I had thoughts of wanting to move to New York (and Seattle even came to mind, but I somewhat quickly dismissed that idea). I suppose if I didn't still live at my parents' house that I would be feeling differently at the moment. I certainly would. But, I do so I feel the way I do. With regards to the commute, if I lived in the Hollywood area, it would be considerably less. And, I may even be able to get away with just walking or skateboarding or riding a bike, or or or...to work. But, for now, I don't. Really realistically speaking, the earliest that would be possible, I think, is the end of the summer (September 1st, but more realistically October 1st). Could I sell my car and move to New York by that time instead? Would i, do i, really want to do that?

Friends here. I know a lot of people here. This is my hometown. I am familiar with it and the people within it. I have a lot of access here that I would not have in other places. But do those places I have access to really make me more or less happy with my lifestyle? Are they people and places that just fill time in a neutral way or do they better me and further (or create) any happiness for myself? Would NY be any better for me? Who's really to say?

In the time I have spent working for my brother, I think the novelty, that has maybe begun to expire, has been that he is my brother. The actual work that I am doing for him isn't inherently anything that brings me happiness. I think. As far as money, I am actually making less working for him than I did in my previous job. I took a pay cut for two reasons: 1. the novelty of working with my brother (is it a novelty, surely there is a better word to describe) and 2. the promise of better money to come in time. What if I could move to NY and work for Little Big Man? Would that make me any more happy?

Maybe I take my family for granted, but I cannot really say that, in being back in L.A. so far, that I have seen the things that make me happy about living here. Sure, the weather. The beach. Being able to play basketball at so many different places. Being able to get into most any club or party I want to go to. Being able to go to many concerts for free. Having the luxury(?) of a car. Being familiar with a place and knowing where I like to go. Maybe, I'd be feeling differently if my flights weren't delayed and I were welcomed back to the city with a night at the Kibbitz Room.

In a little over 2 months, I turn 23 years old (!) and whatever that means...1/4 life crisis, 1/3 life crisis? I recognize that some change is imminenet. How drastic that change is up to my discretion. What will the next year bring? At this point next summer, where wil I be and what will I be doing? How about 6 months from now? I also suppose that the timetable of when that change shall take place is at my discretion as well.

These are my thoughts.